Miscarriage

If you read this blog, you probably think we live a perfect plush life: going to the beach every weekend, the park every day, and finding success with running and school.

Most of the time it is perfect. We have a great life with a great little kid who brings us an immeasurable amount of joy.

But every once in awhile something unexpected scrambles our perfect plans. That happened this week.

I was 10 weeks pregnant and a lot of people knew about it. It didn't take long for the track team to figure it out: I don't often miss practice and skip big races - especially the summer racing season that I absolutely love. Then our families found out: the grapevine works wonders. I was due in early February during a big camera show, so I told my boss so we could prepare and have time to train someone if needed. I didn't openly tell people I was pregnant, but if someone asked I wouldn't lie.

Then on Monday I started bleeding. I went to the doctor who went from "Some 40 percent of women experience bleeding during pregnancy; it's totally common" to "I can't hear a heartbeat, I can't see any movement; it doesn't look good." I was sent to an ultrasound clinic across the street to confirm that the baby was indeed dead.

The earliest I could get in for a D&C was four days later, so those days were filled with too many reminders of a pregnancy gone wrong. The surgery was uneventful - once they put me out. It did take 3 tries to put an IV in: ouch, I didn't think my veins were that tiny! Afterwards, the doctor said their monitors kept sounding alarms (that couldn't be turned off) because my heart rate was under 30 the whole time. Ah, that good old runner's heart.

Now the worst of it is over. The physical effects are wearing off, time is slowly healing some emotional scars, and spiritually I feel better than ever. I know that this life is supposed to be full of trials and that those trials will magnify our joys. Certainly this experience has been very difficult but has made us very grateful for what we do have.

I posted a few pictures of little joys we found throughout the week. My employer sent flowers. Bruce and I picked out flowers for Scott at a T station one day after watching some trains. I got new running shoes in the mail. And we made lots of comfort food this week: cholesterol-free brownies and cupcakes.