Sunday, July 22, 2007

Miscarriage





If you read this blog, you probably think we live a perfect plush life: going to the beach every weekend, the park every day, and finding success with running and school.

Most of the time it is perfect. We have a great life with a great little kid who brings us an immeasurable amount of joy.

But every once in awhile something unexpected scrambles our perfect plans. That happened this week.

I was 10 weeks pregnant and a lot of people knew about it. It didn't take long for the track team to figure it out: I don't often miss practice and skip big races - especially the summer racing season that I absolutely love. Then our families found out: the grapevine works wonders. I was due in early February during a big camera show, so I told my boss so we could prepare and have time to train someone if needed. I didn't openly tell people I was pregnant, but if someone asked I wouldn't lie.

Then on Monday I started bleeding. I went to the doctor who went from "Some 40 percent of women experience bleeding during pregnancy; it's totally common" to "I can't hear a heartbeat, I can't see any movement; it doesn't look good." I was sent to an ultrasound clinic across the street to confirm that the baby was indeed dead.

The earliest I could get in for a D&C was four days later, so those days were filled with too many reminders of a pregnancy gone wrong. The surgery was uneventful - once they put me out. It did take 3 tries to put an IV in: ouch, I didn't think my veins were that tiny! Afterwards, the doctor said their monitors kept sounding alarms (that couldn't be turned off) because my heart rate was under 30 the whole time. Ah, that good old runner's heart.

Now the worst of it is over. The physical effects are wearing off, time is slowly healing some emotional scars, and spiritually I feel better than ever. I know that this life is supposed to be full of trials and that those trials will magnify our joys. Certainly this experience has been very difficult but has made us very grateful for what we do have.

I posted a few pictures of little joys we found throughout the week. My employer sent flowers. Bruce and I picked out flowers for Scott at a T station one day after watching some trains. I got new running shoes in the mail. And we made lots of comfort food this week: cholesterol-free brownies and cupcakes.

14 Comments:

Anonymous Laura said...

I love you both. Perhaps a nice long run is in order soon.

12:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emily - we met in Boston during the 2006 race (I came for the Margaret Bradley Award). I try to keep up with the GBTC gals on their blog and recently saw a link to your blog. I LOVE it!!

Words alone seem so useless right now. I just want you to know that I am sending you a hug from Chicago and that I was wish I was there to run long with you or bake up some old comfort food . . . I know all too well what you are going through.

Sending many, many hugs . . .

Bridget
(kenyarunb(at)gmail(dot)com

8:54 AM  
Blogger Karyn said...

Lots of love and prayers are coming your way from Chicago. My heart aches for you right now. Love you sis.

2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emily,
You and Scott are both so strong even in the face of such sadness and disappointment. I hope that your physical and mental recovery continues to improve. My thoughts are with you, Scott and Bruce and I have faith that more good things will come your way.

Katie Famous

3:47 PM  
Blogger Cally said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emily, i had a dream about you last night and it was very strange because i never remember my dreams anymore. i was thinking about it during my summer classes today and i came home and googled your name. you are one of the most amazing people i have ever met and i know you will win. i cannot imagine what it is like but know that a lot of people love you and are pulling for you. myself included
Dan Cooper

9:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emily-
I have been checking your blog from time to time. I am a local area runner, nowhere near your speed, and I just love your balance and focus on fun and family. This entry really was different from your usual writings, but I couldn't help but be completely impressed by how strong you are, in your beliefs and your positive thinking. A life event very tragic happened to you and your family, yet you grieve appropriately and move on with positive thinking. You really seem to have it all together and in great perspective for a gal so young. I aspire to be more like you.

9:50 PM  
Blogger TheKunks said...

Hey Mars,
I'm so sorry! Please give yourself a big hug from me. You are a trooper. I remember when I got prego and was told it may be eptopic (sp?)...it was very emotionally trying (when ya get a chance check out our blog - thekunks.blogspot.com). If you are ever in CA again please give me a shout out (katykunkel@yahoo.com).

2:01 AM  
Blogger JoLee said...

Hey Emily and Scott,
I read your blog regularly. It's always nice to hear how you are doing. I just wanted to join the other well wishers and let you know that I admire your faith, and that I am thinking about you.

11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emily,
I occasionally read your blog, mainly to see what runs through the mind of an amazing runner, and in hopes of learning something to make myself a stronger competitor. I have seen you at countless races (where you have whooped my and usually most of the other women's ass(es)). I was saddened by your blog. I am the mother of 3 young children, and also suffered a miscarriage at 10 weeks (in between the births of my 2nd and 3rd children). You have a great outlook on the situation. I am undoubtedly sure that you are sad, but having gone through the same situation (waiting for the D&C was such a strange experience), I know you will become an even stronger person. Take care!

PS - for those of us who don't know you - what is the significance of the racing 'do?

12:58 PM  
Blogger The Raymonds said...

The significance of the racing 'do...

After my freshman year of high school, I went to a girls camp with a zillion other girls and my best friend. One night when the heat was especially killing me I told her to cut my hair. So she cut it all off. It was really short. Too short to put in a pony tail - or even two pony tails. I've never liked the feeling of flopping while racing (necklaces, baggy shirts, HAIR), so the day of our first cross country meet my sophomore year all I could come up with to tether my hair down was a pile of rubber bands.

I felt like I had superpowers. My parents could easily find me in the crowd, so they liked it.

And it stuck. And now Bruce likes it. He likes pulling at all the little nubs.

There's the story. My hair is long now, but any day I will go nuts with this Boston humid heat and chop my hair so its too short for anything again.

10:34 PM  
Blogger stephasauri said...

Emily and Scott,

I'm so, so sorry. That is scary and so heartbreaking. You are in our thoughts and prayers. May you feel the comfort and love of Heavenly Father especially strong during this trying time.

Love,
Steph and Mike

12:37 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Hey, Emily - not sure if you guys remember us from good old Boston II ward, but I found this blog (looking for your digital camera thing for help in getting a camcorder ) and decided to see how you guys are doing. I'm so sorry to hear about your misfortune.

Amanda & Katsu

7:54 PM  
Blogger Shannon and Ross said...

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage... as I get closer to baby-bearing times it seems more possible to understand the feelings one might have in a time like that, but I won't pretend that I actually understand... but know that my deepest sympathies head out to you!

11:25 PM  

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